Two Birds, One Stone
by RZZMG
Summary: Hermione Granger's desire to bed her neighbour, Draco Malfoy, causes her to engage in a little Slytherin scheming…with Crookshanks' help. Romance/Humor/Drama-Angst (for Draco)/Naughty Fun. 2016 DramioneLove Mini Fest Round 1 entry. One-shot. COMPLETE!


**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

 **This was my 2016 DramioneLove Mini Fest (Round One) entry (dramionelove . livejournal . com). The fest is long over and reveals are out, so now I can post this for you here. This fanfic is finished. It is a one-shot.**

My prompt for the fest was: Prompt #10 - _"Hermione's cat hates Draco's owl; Squicks – none"_

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 **DISCLAIMER:** "Harry Potter" is the property of J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. This fanfiction was written entirely for fun, not for profit, and no copyright infringement is intended.

 **TIMELINE:** Takes place post-Hogwarts (war never happened)

 **CHARACTERS FEATURED (alphabetical order, last name):** Crookshanks, Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, Draco's owl

 **SUMMARY:** Hermione's desire to bed her neighbour, Draco Malfoy, causes her to engage in a little Slytherin scheming…with Crookshanks' help.

 **RATING:** NC-17 (MA)

 **WARNINGS:** Consensual sex and description of naughty bits (explicit), characters a little OOC, Crookshanks smarter than your average Kneazle, bad puns

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 _ **TWO BIRDS, ONE STONE**_

 _ **By: RZZMG**_

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"Your flea-ridden fur-ball has crossed the line, Granger! He attacked my owl!"

Hermione glanced up from the book she was reading to find her neighbour, Draco Malfoy, covered in feathers and cat scratches. He looked like he'd been involved in a street brawl.

Good, Crookshanks had done his part in getting Draco over to her flat (not that he'd needed much convincing, as her cat _hated_ his owl, and really needed no excuse to harass the bloody bird).

Now it was all in her hands…

She faux sighed and waved her wand at him, cleaning him up and healing his cuts. "Oh, quit exaggerating, Draco. Crooks likes your owl…preferably fricasseed, on a bed of lettuce, with a side of mustard."

It was hard not to smirk at that visual.

Malfoy looked like he was ready to explode, however, provoked to the end of his patience. His face was an interesting shade of puce, his short hair was standing on end, and his teeth were bared. He looked like he was ready for a scuffle, round two.

Wands alive, but sexual tension looked hot on the man! When he lost that icy-calm that was his well-trained default, Malfoy was definitely a sight to make her heart go all aflutter. In fact, Hermione had to squeeze her knees together now just to quench her body's automatic reaction to seeing him in such a state.

She knew why pushing his buttons aroused her so, of course. It was because she suspected that deep, down underneath all that hostility and repressive brainwashing he'd undergone as a child was a man dying for the fuck of his life.

—And she was ready to give it to him, and to hell with all that pure-blood nonsense about waiting for marriage.

She gave him the once-over, allowing her gaze to linger on his hips and on what she knew lay directly below. She'd seen him once, completely _au natural_ and half erect, when she'd walked over to his flat to borrow some sugar. He'd just come out of the shower, and she'd sauntered in…and had stopped on a Knut at the delicious sight that had greeted her.

That incident had only fanned the flames of the infatuation she'd been nursing for Malfoy since the day he'd moved in to her building last year and they'd reconnected over a bottle of Firewhisky and a game of 'I Never Ever'. Masturbating to fantasies of him cutting loose and taking her to the floor just weren't doing it for her any longer, though. She wanted the real thing.

Thanks to Crooks' help, it looked like she just may achieve that goal today!

Putting her book aside, she stood up, allowing Malfoy a good look at her in the skimpy Muggle shorts she was wearing. She knew from watching him over the last year that he really liked looking at her bare legs.

Predictably, his gaze raked hot and hard over her, pausing at her thighs, her calves, and her ankles. His breathing accelerated, especially when she turned and bent over at the waist, pretending to reach for something across the back of her sofa.

"Honestly, Draco, Crooks is well-trained. If you don't want him to bother your owl again, simply ward your flat to keep Kneazles out. You're enough of a wizard to do that much, aren't you?"

Attacking his magical manhood was definitely throwing down the gauntlet, but it was guaranteed results when dealing with Malfoy's overblown ego.

…Annnnnd his response was predictable. He cursed, and a moment later, he'd stalked up behind her, grabbed her hips, and roughly pulled her against him. "I've got a better idea. I'll deal with the cat's mistress _directly_ ," he growled, and threaded his fingers through her unbound hair, pulling her upright so her back pressed into his chest. With a bit more pressure, he had her head turned so he could easily take her mouth. "Maybe _she's_ the one who finally needs to be tamed."

With that, he claimed their first kiss with a righteous fury that burned through them and left them both panting for more.

Well, well. It seemed Draco wasn't completely unskilled in the kissing department, despite being a virgin.

To her further delight, he wasn't satisfied with simply stealing her breath and making her heart pound, either. All that pent-up sexual frustration she'd known had been lurking under the surface for so many years had been too-long suppressed, and now it was finally unleashed. There was no hesitancy. Draco knew what he wanted and where things would eventually end up, and he didn't seem a bit inclined to back down from that challenge.

For her part, neither did Hermione. She'd known sending Crooks over to his flat to harass his owl would incite him, and now she was reaping the benefits of that little scheme.

His hand at her hip smoothed up her waist, cupped her breast and kneaded it, until she arched her spine and ground her arse into his erection. At that, he groaned into her mouth, pinching her nipple hard. Then, he had her turned and pulled up into his arms, and moved them quickly towards her bedroom, a determined look in his eye.

Draco kicked the door shut behind them as they entered her room, and hastily made for the bed. He pressed her into her mattress and began tearing at her clothes to get them off her before she could blink.

His mouth was everywhere, and her clothes were only half off, her nipples aching from the pressure of his suckling lips when he finally pried her legs apart and dropped down her body. "I've been dying to do this to you," he confessed in a rough voice as he pressed his mouth to her sex and dragged his tongue through the delicate folds in a slow, long lick that had her spine bowing and her eyes crossing. A low rumble of approval passed through him to find her already so slick and ready for him.

Hermione cried out in pleasure as he ate his fill of her. Never had she been so desperate to come in her life! But she wanted to wait until he was inside her for that… She attempted to move, to wiggle back a bit, but Draco held onto her hips in a tight grip, refusing her any escape from his relentless hunger. He licked and sucked upon her sensitive flesh, making her body quiver, driving her to an intense orgasm that shattered her, and left her feeling shiny and weightless in the aftermath.

"Now," he growled as she recovered, stripping off his clothing and coming over her once more. He spread her thighs wider, and dropped down…and then he was in her to the hilt, her body accepting him with ease in a single stroke.

He didn't pause, didn't talk, didn't even seem to care that he'd just given her his virginity. Instead, he groaned and then thrust deep and hard again, over and over, relentlessly pounding into her, rocking the bed so hard its springs creaked in warning.

It was clear he was new at sex, but what Malfoy lacked in technique, he more than made up for in enthusiasm. His gaze sought hers as he fucked her, and she noted how he concentrated on her face, how harsh his own features were, but how the light in his eyes spoke of a completely different emotion when he looked down at her.

Hermione wrapped her legs around him, thrusting up to meet him, murmuring his name in encouragement. This was good, _so_ good, better than she'd ever imagined it could be!

When he squeezed his eyes tight, she knew he was about to go over. Quickly, she grabbed a hunk of his hair and pulled him down to her, capturing his moans in her mouth as he released. She felt him throb inside her, each pulse filling her with such delicious warmth, until at last, his shudders subsided and he stilled.

When it was over, he collapsed onto his elbows above her, shaking and breathing as hard as if he'd just run a marathon. Despite his obvious exhaustion, however, he still had something to say to her.

"Stop sending…your cat…to my flat…to provoke me," he warned, gasping for breath. "I got the message…you manipulative…witch."

Hermione laughed, wrapping her arms and legs around him and holding him deep inside her, despite the fact he was well-spent. "Was I that obvious?" she asked, gently brushing the sweat from his face. "Here I thought I was being sneaky like a Slytherin."

He chuckled. "Why…do you think…I was so…turned on?" He kissed her on the side of her neck. "Still, it took you a year…and the best you could come up with…was to send your familiar to harass mine?"

She shrugged. "Actually, Crookshanks was the real mastermind behind it all. It was his scheme. He _really_ hates your owl."

Draco went stock-still and stared down at her, wide-eyed. "You're telling me the _cat_ planned our hook-up?"

Hermione grinned up at him and nodded. "See, he was attempting to kill two birds with one stone."

 **~FIN~**

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 **Author's Notes:**

 **Please leave me a review and let me know what you thought, if you would be so kind! :)**

 **XOXO,**

 **\- RZZMG**


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